Michael Jackson Said It Best

I have experienced a lot of “hmmm” moments during the past weeks. Two questions have rattled my brain for a month now. One of which, I have finally figured out.

“In an relationship (friends, coworkers, lovers, family, and even the cashier at Kroger’s) what one person offers, is not always what the other will offer back. Not all people will be able to offer what you need or give.”

For example, I offer all my relationships a hamburger. When I want a hamburger back, I seek it from certain friends. Not all of those friends can give me a hamburger. Sometimes it’s only fries or a milkshake. Just because their offerings are not the direct reflection of what I bring to the relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t care about my well-being. It’s just they offer fries instead.

In the past I wanted a hamburger back, period. If there was no hamburger, then I assumed the other person just didn’t give a dime about me. It’s taken me awhile to feel comfortable with accepting fries, sometimes small or x-large, in return for my hamburger. The fries are just as wonderful and make a great compliment. Just because a person or a situation is not the reflective gift of what you offer, doesn’t make it less meaningful.

Everyone can offer different things to relationships and situations. You can’t change the other person nor can a person or situations always offer what you need. What you can change, is your understanding and acceptance of what the other has to offer. It sounds like a simple theory, to accept what the other gives in a relationship and not be hurt. In reality, it is very complex and depending on how conditioned our thinking and behavior is to trigger our emotional defensive systems, one could walk through life never realizing how great fries are. In fact, I can’t offer fries…never have and never will. But I got a hamburger if you’ll take it.