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Curling up in memories

When you move or go through a life altering change, things become jumbled. Old habits such as blogging go to the wayside and new things take precedence. Relocating across several states taught me several things…one of them being the importance of the feeling to “miss”.

I left a big chunk of my twenties before I moved. Perfectly fitting to charge into the next years of the thirties in a new location, state, come and job. Yet as I get older the mo re I treasure the important items in life.

Many years of suppression of feelings, thoughts, and memories, allowed me to bury emotions, which really needed to be addressed. As I moved, both physically and emotionally, I learned to “miss” certain memories.

I think it is important for us to be comfortable for us to miss the grand events in our life. To curl up in our down comfortable and miss a friend, a vacation, or job. Our lives are always evolving, yet we forget ever step becomes apart of us. Whether it is one, which is imprinted for life or just the moment… it’s worth the effort to remember and enjoy.

Enjoy your life…. live it while it’s here….

Modern Day Muse

The history of a Muse goes back to Greek methodology. Most reckonable as an instrument of inspiration used for Artists. In fact the artist Matisse used muses as models. Women are an inspiration. Bodies so strong as inspiration he would exaggerate his blindness just to get close to the woman’s skin.

Today, many sociologists see muses as the modern model. Whether or not the majority of society long to be a size zero, member of the Girls Net Door, or flashed in front of the stage of Oprah..Muses exist today. The occupation of a muse is nothing to long afar. Thought most woman would assume strippers and models have the best occupation in world, tie job of a must is much more in-depth.

Muses are inspiration. Modern day muses are often confused with sexual prevalent woman, today and one hundred years ago. They rarely get married and if the do, it never lasts. They are perpetually the other women yet not to be confused as a mistress. Muses have the natural instinct to afore their subject. Love them from the depth of their heart, body, and soul. They want to see their subject succeed in personal, sexual, and occupational growth. Yet they remain hidden.

Modern day muses may include Samantha from Sex in the City, your next-door neighbor, or if lucky, your life partner. Though historically, muses are not life long partners. Floaters whose God given talent is to love adore and believe.

Muses often transform into objects. We tend to turn to religion as our inspiration, books, and now the Internet. Though, the heart and being of a muse is the person. The touch, the voice, and the intimacy. It’s the person not the object.

Road Trip!!!

It’s moving day which means a fun-filled 13 hr drive with trucker hats and three roadie dogs!
Quick three moving tips for you:

1) Except something(s) to go wrong: There has to be at least one meltdown which involves the “F” screamed through out the house. Relax and just expect it.

2) Gear: If you are ghetto enough to rent a UHaul, you have to have the proper gear. This equates to sexy trucker hats which say “Flatbedder’s Do It with Straps & Chains” WTF?!?!

3) Hotpads.com: If you are moving to a location you have never visited or lived, Hotpads.com rocks. You can search all the realtor MLS in one page. There is an option to sort by median age, per income capita, and off the wall things such as nearby public transportation.

It’s time for this Northern girl to head to the Dirty’Dirty South….you may want to pray for them.

You’re moving and here comes all the “FREE” help!

I have been quite busy the past two weeks securing all the little details with a potential move and new employment. I’ve come to learn there are two types of FREE help you will get during a transition period in your life.

1) FREE Advice: These people will offer a plethora of FREE advice. Most will shove it down your throat and expect you to awe at their ability to point out the obvious. Some advice might be good. Others will offer you advice based on what they would do, regardless if it were right for your situation or not. I really enjoy hearing details on how to pack, find a house, and what to move; as if I didn’t figure it out the other 9 times I have moved.

2) FREE Round of 21 Questions: If you have ever moved, you understand there is a laundry list of little details to figure out. Finding a home, securing movers, dates, packing, Internet provider, etc, etc. If a person is not chucking advice down your throat, then they may opt to play the game of 21 questions. It’s the “When you going to move?” “Where’s your house?” “What route are you taking” “What dentist you going to see?” and bla bla. It’s all the things you need to figure out but don’t have the time to because your phone is ringing off the wall from all the friends giving you FREE advice!

Of course, there are the friends who just ask how they can help and leave it at that. Those are mixed in with the friends who want you to spend all the time in the world with them before you depart. Very sweet and all, but I will never be able to answer the 21 questions if I am spending all my time in bar with you.

I must admit the 4 years, which have passed, since my last major (over 300 miles) relocation; I have forgotten how time consuming all the little details can be. I have a dozen half finished blog posts scattered on my desktop, laundry that just keeps growing, and grass that compete with the laundry. All of which are really petty in terms of larger issues at hand. So I’ve come to the plan, in order to get anything done in peace and quiet, one must allow the battery in their cell phone to die, computer locked in a cabinet, and curtains pulled in their house. Maybe then, I can relocate without leaving my sanity behind.

Take a hint from “He’s Just Not That Into You!”

I am a big fan of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Primarily because I think everyone can learn a bit about personal boundaries and the right way to deal with those who suffocate us.

If you’ve watched the movie, you’re either going to be one of those people who think “OMG. I do that!” or “Ha ha. I know how it feels to have a nutcase call you too much!”. The entire premise of the movie is centered around a woman (stereotypical) who does not understand boundaries when it comes to communication. It’s the image of a girl who calls you repeatedly (excessively) and sets up “random” (staged) run ins at places her male interests hang out. In today;s culture, many guys tend to label woman “psycho” who display the behavior. The movie only depicts a clingy woman but in reality there are plenty of men who do the same thing.

The behavior is not psychotic (usually) but more contributed to individuals who are emotionally starved. They have surrounded themselves either with individuals who do not feed their emotional and social needs, thus seek out replacements. The clingy behavior is much like nature during a drought. People have been thirsty for emotional attention that they suck dry the first individuals who provide it. In return, those individuals are worn out, turned off, and down right sick and tired of hearing from you.

Regardless of the cause, the behavior is not acceptable (male or female). As humans we need to learn to deal with this behavior in a conductive way. If the movie character is a spitting image of you, realize the behavior needs to stop. Think about what drives you and at all costs (for god’s sake!), train your mind to stop it! Realize it is 100% non productive behavior. Frankly, it’s just NOT ok to be borderline stalker!

If you are the person whose been on the receiving end (much like myself), you need to learn to deal with the behavior in a direct but non hurtful approach. Speaking from experience, this is often hard to do if you often avoid confrontation versus seek it. Ignoring, wrong numbers, and being down right rude (movie portrayal) does not work. It only confuses and upsets the individuals. The best way (gulp and get some guts) is to be direct with the person. Simply stating the behavior is inhibiting your personal boundaries should work. At which point either the person will apologize and back off (feeling ashamed) or pursue more, at which point then you can label them a stalker.

Relationships are for dogs, breeding is for people

Over the short span of my life, I have watched society gender roles change. Even looking back on the 1980’s to now, we can see the dramatic difference in our personal relationships.

From the time MTV Debut “The Real World” to fast forwarding to the reality shows of today, our society prides itself of the dramatic turmoil and joy felt in relationships. We can point to the current Jon and Kate fiasco, with the obvious division of male/female supporters. Some woman being disgusted at the way Kate belittles her husband while others such as Gen Y Leader Penelope Trunk provide a social media high five the divorcing couple. The tables of gender roles are obviously rotating, with it’s very mark being left on the changing makeup of the ideal American family.

One can search the Twitter stream for the die hard supports and haters of Sandra Tsing Loh who shared her views on divorce and marriage with the world. Whether you agree or not with Sandra Tsing Loh’s point of view, you have to agree the traditional family and relationship balances are gone. Enter in the new era of marrying because it’s tradition not because of traditional gender roles. Throw in the hopeless romantics who believe in The Notebook, and we become a culture perpetually screwed.

Woman scream individualism and men scream for independence. Whether or not we have it in our relationships now, that doesn’t mean later on we may feel the closing grip of traditional roles nagging at our soul. Manifesting a horrible tear between reality and a cinderella fantasy.

Branded by two failed marriages and watching my male/female friends rack up the numbers on the divorce side, I’m no wiser than your local psychologist. What I do know, is no one wants loose the secret hope of being a part of a love story. Whether it lead to filing as married on tax returns or simply living like Oprah, perpetually in sin but forever happy, some of us may find love eventually.

Random Wonderings

Over the past few weeks, I have had quite a few random (extremely meaningless) questions on my mind. They’ve been a constantly hogging space in the back of my mind, so maybe offering them up for debate will get rid of them.

1) A woman who is overaggressive with phone calls, emails, and text messages to a male is considered “clingy or psycho.” A man who does the same to woman, is engaging in borderline “stalking”. In both scenarios, the individuals are consistent even though their communication is never returned by the other party. Then, what does society call a man who “stalks / overly clingy” with another man?
And where do people learn this behavior?

2) As humans we have lived an estimated 4.4 billion years on this earth (via evolution argument). Regardless of the anatomical fact that we AGE each year, most mother’s still feel compelled to be “amazed” at standard growth of life. Why do parents still exclaim “OMG! I can’t believe little Timmy is going to be 3 next week!!” Um, hello? Wouldn’t be more questionable and amazing if little Timmy actually aged backwards?

3) The act of marriage historically started out of economic means. Traditionally, man where the breadwinners/ hunters/ gatherers. While woman where child bearers and teachers of basic life skills. Since woman’s liberation, most notable 1970-80 and beyond, the need for marriage due to economic reasons has ceased. In fact, in the past several years, woman are now outnumbering men with college degrees. If we don’t rely on a single person entirely for economic means, what is the point of marriage? (regardless of your religious beliefs. Let’s not forget, Adam and Ever where never married)

So now their off my mind and onto yours. Have fun!

Rock bottom bayou

In May, unemployment hit 9.4%. In May alone, America felt the loss of 345,000 jobs. Since mid April, I have been one of the 3 million+ unemployed. My optimistic job search finally took a steep tumble, hitting rock bottom at the end of another “groundhog-type” day job searching.

I examined over and over in my head where I might hove gone wrong with the job search. What avenue of networking have I not tried; what city have I not searched; what company have I not created a profile with; what skills am I lacking; what decisions I have made in my life to leave me jobless?

“It is not you, it is the economy,” I hear in my head.

Yet, my thoughts return to finding the links among my decisions. Up til now, I thought I did everything right to stay competitive in the job market. I got good grades in high school; I served my country and deployed a million miles away from home; I earned and paid for my bachelors degree; I sought out jobs which I knew nothing, only to gain technically-related skills.

What have all those sound decisions brought me? Nothing.

I fit no category. I am too old to be entry level, yet not specific enough to fit into a snug position. I have too many years since my military career which makes my skills obsolete for certain jobs. But, my military experience means nothing to the civilian world. I am only FAMILIAR with databases and web design, not EXPERIENCED enough to compete with certified nerds. What I am doesn’t fit on a resume.

I hit rock bottom when I entered my living room today. In the midst of me being glued to my computer, searching, uploading and repeating the process for 8 hours, I missed MY LIFE. Treading through stacks of magazines, paper, shredded pillows and blankets, I discovered how my beloved dogs occupied themselves. I was ignoring their need for attention because I believed the responsible choice was to stop at nothing until I found a job. The responsible choice left the ones who surround me neglected. The most precious things in life have been forgotten and discarded.

Where I was once an evangelist for “carpe diem,” I stopped breathing. I stopped looking. I stopped living.

I stopped enjoying the present because I have been so consumed with finding my future.

Easily Forgotten

While suctioned in an MRI tube, I had the pleasant opportunity to enjoy an old favorite band of mine, The Cranberries. Amazing how something we once loved so much is quickly shelved along side old dreams, events, and acquaintances in our memory.

Speeding up the journey to end at the same destination

In 1908, Ford’s Model T became a popular mode of transportation. For centuries, automobile rides where viewed as an experience not as just a tool of movement.

Well into the 1970’s, families enjoyed the Sunday drives to absolutely nowhere special. The idea of climbing into a small compartment as a “family” or “community” to enjoy the peaceful scenery around them was enough to satisfy a crave for an experience. It’s the melding of each other’s minds, personalities, dreams, and ambitions into a simple ride in a vehicle. The endless conversations which transpire from a passenger’s inside view of the passing outside world exchanged back and forth for hours, created memories. The experiences crafted ideals, goals, ambitions, and hope.

Somewhere, we have lost the experience of the journey. Today’s cars are created with one purpose in mind: to get us from point A to Point B in the most reliable and fastest method. We don’t care what we miss along the way. OUr purpose is to get to our destination while ignoring the passing present moments engulfed into our digital communications, lead foot, and deathly sense of urgency.

What do we loose?
We loose everything in the journey. We loose every breadth, thought, blue sky, radiant sunlight, and humanity which is squeezed in between our quest from point A to point B. We loose the satisfaction of enjoying the experience shared between our fellow journey man. We travel independently only to race each other to the finish line. Meanwhile, we have lost endless hours of enjoying the scenery a higher one created and the humans we are blessed with their company. We focus on the end. The miles traveled. The efficiency of fuel spent in our journey. The wear and tear of our physical mode of transportation.

Who has the best kept vehicle?
Who got the best mileage and saved the biggest buck?
Who has the best resale value when they are tired and decide to trade up for a better version?

How many of us ask, who enjoyed the experience most? Who took the winding road up the hill to find the most beautiful lookout over an ocean’s mass? Who slowed down a bit, only to drag out a conversation with the journeyman on the decay of an urban house? Who relaxed enough to enjoy the touch of someone’s hand or smell of their hair in the wind? Who matches a song on a radio to a particular place, time, and Sunday drive?

Have we forgotten to enjoy the experience of our journey to only focus on the end?

Yes.

Today we propel each other to the end faster and faster. Disregarding the sweat, tears, anguish, smiles, and memories created in that car ride. We scream down the highway to end only up at the same bar and same lonely faces we left in our first stop. We’ve forgotten to hold onto the dreams, aspirations, and memories which we passed through….which we experienced…only on our way from point A to B. We’ve lost everything only to start all over.