Everybody else

Take a hint from “He’s Just Not That Into You!”

I am a big fan of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Primarily because I think everyone can learn a bit about personal boundaries and the right way to deal with those who suffocate us.

If you’ve watched the movie, you’re either going to be one of those people who think “OMG. I do that!” or “Ha ha. I know how it feels to have a nutcase call you too much!”. The entire premise of the movie is centered around a woman (stereotypical) who does not understand boundaries when it comes to communication. It’s the image of a girl who calls you repeatedly (excessively) and sets up “random” (staged) run ins at places her male interests hang out. In today;s culture, many guys tend to label woman “psycho” who display the behavior. The movie only depicts a clingy woman but in reality there are plenty of men who do the same thing.

The behavior is not psychotic (usually) but more contributed to individuals who are emotionally starved. They have surrounded themselves either with individuals who do not feed their emotional and social needs, thus seek out replacements. The clingy behavior is much like nature during a drought. People have been thirsty for emotional attention that they suck dry the first individuals who provide it. In return, those individuals are worn out, turned off, and down right sick and tired of hearing from you.

Regardless of the cause, the behavior is not acceptable (male or female). As humans we need to learn to deal with this behavior in a conductive way. If the movie character is a spitting image of you, realize the behavior needs to stop. Think about what drives you and at all costs (for god’s sake!), train your mind to stop it! Realize it is 100% non productive behavior. Frankly, it’s just NOT ok to be borderline stalker!

If you are the person whose been on the receiving end (much like myself), you need to learn to deal with the behavior in a direct but non hurtful approach. Speaking from experience, this is often hard to do if you often avoid confrontation versus seek it. Ignoring, wrong numbers, and being down right rude (movie portrayal) does not work. It only confuses and upsets the individuals. The best way (gulp and get some guts) is to be direct with the person. Simply stating the behavior is inhibiting your personal boundaries should work. At which point either the person will apologize and back off (feeling ashamed) or pursue more, at which point then you can label them a stalker.

Being Socially Responsible

US Labor Department recent stats on unemployment rates yield rising numbers to 8.5 percent in March, the highest in 25 years. Highest in more then two decades mean Generation Y, largest workforce since the boomers, has never felt a strain like this. Boomers have felt it, but 25 years ago, some of them where just starting out their careers. Vastly different from today, when the crunch is felt closer to the anticipated day of retirement.

Our country is potentially paying out unemployment benefits to almost 10% of the nation. If that isn’t chilling, let’s talk about how taxes are rising regardless of falling home prices, increase of tax of cigarettes (but that’s not going to unemployment), and all the small businesses who pay into FUTA while struggling to stay afloat.

How are we going to pay for all this?

I started to think of all the people I know who are collecting and not collecting unemployment. I have never collected unemployment, though at periods I was eligible. The reason I did not choose to collect unemployment was because I had sufficient sources elsewhere to cover my living expenses. I didn’t need unemployment, thus, why take it?

I understand most people feel they have a right to collect unemployment whether or not they really need it. To me, that is a question of being socially responsible. For instance, I have a relative who has lost her part time job and is collecting unemployment because she feels it’s her right. The truth is, her income has never made a substantial impact on the household. In fact, her spouse makes over $120,000 per year. What does she need unemployment for? Cigarettes.

This is where I feel people should stop saying “I deserve” and ask themselves what do they NEED. I have no problem supporting the family whose laid off from GM, or helping out underprivileged kids. I do have a problem with paying out unemployment for someone to be able to support their spending habits, whether it’s nicotine, a Wii, or iPhone.

When our country is hurting as a whole, it’s time we step up to the plate and ask ourselves if we really need to take government aid. It is not my naivety, only my hope in humanity, when I elect not to take unemployment, it will ease the burden for us all. Not in mass, but a small tiny fraction.

It’s the sense of being a part of something that is more then just you. Understanding your actions or lack there of, small and big, make a rippling effect in another’s life. You could sit there and make excuses to justify ignoring the community and only focus on your immediate survival. Eventually, what you hand out, is handed back to you.

Oh Gen Y, how I love thee so!

Two things happened today, completely independent of each other. Combined they signify a turning point in my overall feelings toward Generation Y.

First, I was doing a bit of spring cleaning when I came across an enormous box of old pictures. The pictures where mostly of my 20 something years when I lived overseas. I am at that “age” when people stop taking pictures of you and you’re the one taking all the pics. It’s a typical evolution of life when several years go by without current pics. Unless of course, you are one of those self-loving bloggers who take an abundance of pictures of themselves at strange angles (you know who you are!).

I realized how much I smiled in all the pictures. Whoever says high school years are the best, lied. The best years of my life (um, so far) is from 22-26yrs. Sometimes, I miss that period in my life.

Later on in the evening, I was fumbling though some my RSS feeds and Alltop pages reading different blogs. Typically, my response to most Gen Y (not all) blog posts have been the “WTF? You are so missing major historical points in the discussion.”

Tonight, though I started to say “WTF!”, I stopped before the end of the post. I realized Gen Y is that perfect years of innocent innovative thinking to which a person will never reclaim. Twenty somethings are old enough to know Kraft cheese slices come from cows, but are not jaded with the ugly truth of the dirty, unpublicized processes that go into making that cheese slice.

So tonight, I fell in love with Generation Y for the first time. It’s the love of an elder who listens and smiles as the younger generation speaks with flamboyancy and energy, hoping they won’t loose that spark completely as they grow up.

As woman, are we emasculating our men?

I have gone round and round over the passed year in heated discussion over whether or not woman’s liberation movement lead to society emasculating our male partners. The points in favor of this argument are backed by the following examples:
1) Men are consistently belittled by woman in public.
2) Artificial insemination and single motherhood has brought the idea that men are useless to society beyond being sperm donors. In general, woman see fatherhood as replaceable.
3) Woman’s liberation has created unequal division of labor within the household.
Read the rest of this entry

Living in a bubble? Your house isn’t!

If you live in America, and pay attention to any domestic news, you know the economy is in a wreck. Tonight, my cardio entertainment at the gym was a news report showing lines of unemployed professionals with hopes at a career field in NY City. The reality of the housing market, retail industry, and jobs is crushing. Yet, there are bubbles of hope still available.

Social Media
Social media is an enormous bubble of hope and dreams yet to be filled. There is an enormous opportunity for people to invent, develop, and deploy web based networks and social media consulting. It’s a growing field and very much left open for bids. Social media today is the California Gold Rush. Many pour hopes and dreams to make it big, the smart ones will build infrastructures around the crowd of people.

Expatriates
Another bubble to immerse yourself in, is to leave the US completely. Take a job overseas and ignore everything going on back home. Focus on international news or career development, but forget the housing crisis or skyrocketing unemployment rates…it doesn’t effect you a million miles away.

I am a huge believer in bubbles. One, especially entrepreneurs, need to have bubble of reinforcement, belief, and creativity to foster the energy to move forward. I don’t believe in LIVING in a bubble. The bubble serves as an fuel replacement when you are beat down and want to give up. It is not a place to discard reality completely.

I have found there are people who are living 24/7 in bubbles. The are ignoring the housing market, unemployment rates, bank failures, rising interest rates, and skyrocketing cost of groceries. They are living outside of reality. These people are most likely secure in their job, for now. Living in the soft bubble of hope and dreams, with no concern of others can lead to devastation. Choosing to ignore the housing crisis to transfer locations, leaving a house. Spending more then you make on gas guzzling vehicles, recreation, and cutting back retirement savings to pay for it.

Its the people who live in the bubbles 24/7 that scare me. For its the same people who thought variable interest rate loan would benefit RIGHT NOW, and never think about the future. Where are they now? Foreclosed, unemployed, and hurting. Americans, broad and home, need to get back to living to the basics. Get out of the bubble at the end of the day and wake up to reality. Life will not bend to you, YOU have to bend to it.

Autheniticy: the freedom to be yourself

I recently read a post on the 10 Characteristics of Authentic People. Author, Jennifer Ryan, M.Ed lists the top 5 characteristics:
1. Authentic People Live in the Present
2. Authentic People are Free of Fear
3. Authentic People are Not Judgmental
4.  Authentic People Genuinely Appreciate Themselves
5.  Authentic People Hunger for the Truth

It completely got me thinking about being authentic. I wonder how many times in our lives, we stop being authentic to ourselves because we feel an eternal obligation.

Completely ignoring number one, the first thought in my mind was Christmas season 2001. I was living overseas, but made arrangements to visit my family for the first time in 2 years. Simultaneously the man I was involved with, invited me to visit California with his family. He volunteered to go home with me, but after silent deliberation I asked him not to come. I wanted that time, to be owned by me. It was agreed I would meet him in California later. He called me a week early and asked me to join him earlier. I declined.

In that situation, I was completely authentic. I lived my life according to my timeline, and if our two lives intersected, then so be it. It was never pushed, manipulated, or expectations of meeting his timeline. I wouldn’t let it happen. I lived in the present, and never worried about the future.

I wonder how many of us loose our authentic to ourselves because of other people’s expectations. How badly do we desire to succeed at something that we fear failure, hope for future change, put ourselves last, and consistently second guess others? Where did we stop simply moving forward with our own lives, to only have it consumed as an extension of another?

To be authentic, a person must have personal goals and a desire to achieve them. Not aspire to coerce or manipulate another person’s life to fill our voids. We must be self-confident in who we are, with or without other individuals. To live everyday to the fullest, simple because we breathe. To figure out our own way home from the airport without demanding others to bend their lives around ours. To take responsibility for the career we choose and the path we move.

No one should loose being authenticity to benefit another. If the other individuals cannot accept your life as separate entity, ultimately they are not worth your time - they are asking you to loose all authentic.

Kim Chong-Il is tired of Palin, too

My original post on the subject of north Korea’s recent ballistic missile movement and the US response was long. Realizing no one really would read a lengthy post on my opinion, I decided on a shortened version.

1) north Korea is most likely preparing to test their Taepo Dong missile again. The long range missile has the capability to hit Alaska. Possibly targeting Palin’s front porch?

2) Clinton spanks Kim Chong-Il for his bad behavior. Offering a motherly bribe of an “official peace treaty” if the Asian bully plays nice. This is substantial as it implicates the US would officially end the war with the communist country. What’s next, allowing them a seat on the UN’s national security council?

3) Clinton is agreeing to move 8,000 troops from Okinawa to Guam. Trying to smooth pink icing over rocks to portray the idea of the US “backing off”.

Since Clinton is offering an enormous shift in the US’s policy toward communism and a nuclear state, what is your opinion? Do you see it fit for the Obama administration to openly acknowledge a country once declared by the Bush administration as an “axis of evil”?

This may have nothing to do with your ’stimulus pay’, economic tundra, or the babble clad of automobile industry…but this is quite substantial, and worth discussing…

V-Day Goodies

Sure, it took me until 1600hrs today to figure it out it was Valentines Day. Never fully understood the holiday, except that it allows florists to extort roses while neglecting daisies, and turn everything sugary pink and red. I get more excited over a veggie stuffed Subway 6-incher than cellophane wrapped chocolate.

Either way, I found two really cool sites today. My favorite being Old Jews Telling Jokes! Hilarious!
Here’s a little sample…enjoy!

Blogging Stereotypes

Stereotypes are alive and well in our society. Even if we use them for humor, it proves stereotypes are alive and well in the back of head. Otherwise we wouldn’t get the joke.

Psychologist say our minds revert to trusting stereotypes when we are not presented will all the information. Whether it’s observing a couple interact from afar or developing our own ideals of how our lives are suppose to look. If stereotypes are ultimately wrong, wouldn’t it make sense to proactively abandon them in our own lives?

As society and technology evolves, I wonder how many new stereotypes are made. An acquaintance of mine was networking with a Generation Y focused blog site. The individual was discussing potential of guest blogging due to she/he’s expertise in a certain area. The individual was baffled when the idea was dropped because he/she did not meet the age requirement (18-30 years old). Is it acceptable to assume one’s knowledge or ability based on their generation? Why are still using stereotypes as marketing tools?

Blogs in particular seem to embrace stereotypes rather then prove them wrong. Look at the rise of Mommybloggers. As a group, society has deemed “mothers” who blog as the stereotypical mommyblogger. Even the former professionals or current professionals who use blogging to discuss parenting, are still grouped under the stereotype of mommybloggers.

Generational blogs, mostly attributed to Generation Y, are feeding stereotypes based on generational birth. In reality, the generation of a person’s parents and their philosophies of parenting contribute more to an individual’s personality than their year born. A Generation Y being brought up by older parents of older baby boomers, are vastly different then Gen Y’s being raised by old Gen X’s. What happens to Gen Y blogs as the Y’s grow up? Will they change their age requirements?

One would think the internet would move passed stereotypes versus creating their own. How much information or expertise are blogs loosing because they prefer to feed the stereotypes versus open up to a variety of information. How can we learn from conversations if we don’t attract a variety of readers and contributors? In society, it takes all of us to partake in order for us to evolve - not just one stereotypical group.

What Does Your Voice Leave Behind?

We always hear about first impressions and how important it is to make it the best. Once you’ve gone past the first impression, you often see people in various moods or attitudes. The other night I found myself “hearing” voices in my head. It was the voices of the people around me, radiating long after our last conversation.

It’s all about what message you convey the strongest. In general people try to avoid causing the negative voices to come out, but sometimes it may seem no matter what you do, the voice prevails. This week alone, from blogs, clients, and coworkers, negative voices have prevailed. For example,
I was packing up my boss for a business trip, leaving a note where everything was packed, filling a notebook with directions etc. For the first time, I battled in my head with his voice. He’s a smart man, and takes great offense when others don’t take in consideration his abilities. So I heard him saying; “I can take care of myself you know. I do know how to get from point A to B.” in response to my prepetory information left.

On the other hand, if I didn’t leave a note informing him where the promo material was packed or where the business cards hid, I heard this, “Where the hell is everything? How am I suppose to know where this stuff is?”

It’s a no win situation. Both voices radiated in my head into the evening, leaving me to accept failure no matter what I did. At some point, you just say F&*($ it, and just stop giving a shit.

Sure everyone has their “tweaks” that get under their skin and irritate them. If you interact with a person long enough, you can certainly hear their voice of frustration. Most of the time you can also hear their laughter to counter the negativity. Sometimes, you can’t.

When you leave people, what voice do they hear you in? Do they only hear the constant negativity, discourse, and frustration? Or is there a balance of happiness and kindness? First impressions are great and all, but it’s what you leave behind is what is remembered.