ME, ME, ME!

Curling up in memories

When you move or go through a life altering change, things become jumbled. Old habits such as blogging go to the wayside and new things take precedence. Relocating across several states taught me several things…one of them being the importance of the feeling to “miss”.

I left a big chunk of my twenties before I moved. Perfectly fitting to charge into the next years of the thirties in a new location, state, come and job. Yet as I get older the mo re I treasure the important items in life.

Many years of suppression of feelings, thoughts, and memories, allowed me to bury emotions, which really needed to be addressed. As I moved, both physically and emotionally, I learned to “miss” certain memories.

I think it is important for us to be comfortable for us to miss the grand events in our life. To curl up in our down comfortable and miss a friend, a vacation, or job. Our lives are always evolving, yet we forget ever step becomes apart of us. Whether it is one, which is imprinted for life or just the moment… it’s worth the effort to remember and enjoy.

Enjoy your life…. live it while it’s here….

You’re moving and here comes all the “FREE” help!

I have been quite busy the past two weeks securing all the little details with a potential move and new employment. I’ve come to learn there are two types of FREE help you will get during a transition period in your life.

1) FREE Advice: These people will offer a plethora of FREE advice. Most will shove it down your throat and expect you to awe at their ability to point out the obvious. Some advice might be good. Others will offer you advice based on what they would do, regardless if it were right for your situation or not. I really enjoy hearing details on how to pack, find a house, and what to move; as if I didn’t figure it out the other 9 times I have moved.

2) FREE Round of 21 Questions: If you have ever moved, you understand there is a laundry list of little details to figure out. Finding a home, securing movers, dates, packing, Internet provider, etc, etc. If a person is not chucking advice down your throat, then they may opt to play the game of 21 questions. It’s the “When you going to move?” “Where’s your house?” “What route are you taking” “What dentist you going to see?” and bla bla. It’s all the things you need to figure out but don’t have the time to because your phone is ringing off the wall from all the friends giving you FREE advice!

Of course, there are the friends who just ask how they can help and leave it at that. Those are mixed in with the friends who want you to spend all the time in the world with them before you depart. Very sweet and all, but I will never be able to answer the 21 questions if I am spending all my time in bar with you.

I must admit the 4 years, which have passed, since my last major (over 300 miles) relocation; I have forgotten how time consuming all the little details can be. I have a dozen half finished blog posts scattered on my desktop, laundry that just keeps growing, and grass that compete with the laundry. All of which are really petty in terms of larger issues at hand. So I’ve come to the plan, in order to get anything done in peace and quiet, one must allow the battery in their cell phone to die, computer locked in a cabinet, and curtains pulled in their house. Maybe then, I can relocate without leaving my sanity behind.

Why Facebook Will Never Beat Twitter (for me)

All the top dog social media sites are out for each other. Specifically, there has been quite a bit of comparison between Twitter streams and Facebook updates. I can’t imagine how someone’s Facebook updates are anything like Twitter. Unless they live in a community which resembles a bee colony.

My Facebook updates don’t even compare to my Twitter profile. I started with a few friends on Facebook. Some professional and some casual. Then, lurks out the old high school buddy. (OMG, I am WAY too old for this shit) It’s like when you eat Pringles. You might start eating one, but eventually the whole damn can is in your gut. You feel like shit, over stuffed with excess crap you don’t need. My old semi-quasi-kinda know you people started this way on Facebook and grew to fill my homepage with a ton of shit.

And I mean SHIT.
No 140 characters allow my new parent friends fill their updates with how many times the kid shit, ate, burped, and doctor appointments. FUCK! TMI!

The whiny, over boring, updates of “Ya it’s Friday!”…holy fuck, how many people need to say this EVERY FRIDAY!

Then it’s invasion of the long distance relative whose involved in cult like Christianity and they want to be your “friend”. No thanks. I want to say “FUCK” on my updates without getting mailed a King James, New International Version, and the Living Word Bibles at Christmas.

Compare it to my Twitter stream, which can get filled with shit, but mostly I follow people who offer interesting links and snarky remarks. Everything is under 140 characters or less. Thus if your kid shits, it’s going to be short and sweet (unless you blog about, which I don’t have to view unless some sick moment compels me to). Twitter for me is a constant news stream of data. Facebook will never be that way simple because it is inundated with people who actually believe others want to hear about their bathroom habits. That shit don’t fly on Twitter. Not on my stream.

Each social media platform has its pros and cons. Their individualism allows them to compliment each other. Facebook acts a quasi email system for people I really don’t want to have my email (can you imagine the shit emails? ). Yet, Twitter allows me to have a constant stream of information getting thrown at me (like a one way conversation.). LinkedIn, allows me to put my professional face on.

Maybe for some, Facebook resembles Twitter. But as much as I enjoy @thebrandbuilder on Twitter, I don’t feel compelled to stalk him on Facebook too.

Wonder if it’s fate?

The amount of fate plays a role in our lives will always spark a debate. It’s powers and myth can never be proven but always leaves a hint of wondering in our minds. Some individuals leave everything to fate. Other’s will argue you control every aspect of your life. Some of us believe life is little of both.

Being obnoxious about controlling my life, I do wonder time to time if there is an external force nudging me in a certain direction. In regards to my recent career search, it seems as though something is nudging me down one path.

I have stopped counting the number of resume uploads I have done, as it feels like I am counting the Cheerios in my bowl. A lot of work for absolutely nothing profound. Since I am specifically trying to relocate out of my midwest dump, I have started to concentrate my searches to the east coast, uploading 25+ resumes. Though, trying to get the attention of an HR person when you aren’t local is like fly fishing in the Atlantic Ocean. Good luck. I have dabbled a little searching in three other metropolitan areas; one with 7 resumes, one with 10, and the other with 3 lonely resumes floating in the abyss of HR databases.

Several weeks ago I got my first contact back. My only contact back. Statistically it should have come from the east coast since the bulk of my inquiries are there. Nope. It was one of the three lonely jobs I applied for in another city.

This is when I wonder if there is an external factor nudging me to follow the unlikely path. Of course, I can turn down the position if offered, scream obscenities during the interview to control the situation, or just give into a little trust.

Anyone could argue semantics to me on why the location with least concentration was the one to pop. Regardless if there is a little fate, Holy Matter, or just sheer oddness, letting go of control once in awhile can be quite liberating. Maybe this is my (naked) free fall into the next decade of my life.

Brave enough to test out the waters

Recently I had a slight moment of fear of the unknown. I was experiencing pain in my right arm, running form my shoulder to my finger tips. As the hours went on, the pain worsened and loss of motion started to occur.

In my head I wondered, “What if this is a heart attack?”

Since I am not of the “demographical age” for a heart attack I sought other causes. I drew basic conclusions from my previous activities, such as lifting weights several days ago and the drop in weather, to start off treating the obvious causes. Early arthritis, pulled muscle, or possible pinched nerve. Each was treated with Glucosamine, 800 mil. motrin, and a warm shower. Yet, the pain did not subside.

Beyond my physical symptoms I am aware of the risk factors associated with heart attacks. I meet every one of them: family history, occasional drinker, and former smoker (ok, I sneak one here and there.). Even though I did not meet the standard age group which most heart attacks occur, I still wondered ” What if…”.

Everyday entrepreneurs and current business owners ask “What if” all day long. What if this product doesn’t take? What if I cannot sell my talents? What if the marketing doesn’t work? What if I fail?

The lists of “what if’s” go on endlessly. The only way to get rid of the “what if’s” is to test the water. If you never take the step to try, you will never know if your “what if” is real.

The human nature in us creates these safety boundaries. When our safety (personal or professional, emotional or physical) is in question, our sense become heightened to notice additional clues. Those clues rarely ever come. if they do occur, our preconditioned thought process to handle stress takes over, and we run autopilot. We passively engage in decision avoidance.

I could have decided to lay down or call 911. Allow the fear of the “what if” to take over. Instead I did what any other runner (or hard headed asshole) would do. I got on the treadmill and ran. My heartbeat was fine, breathing was excellent, and though my arm still hurt…the pain lessened. I understood that my senses where heightened to all pain, due to the stress of worrying over heart attack.

I had to be brave enough to test out the waters before I could really know who controlled the situation: Fear or me.

Coffee Deja Vu

This weekend I encountered a chilling deja vu moment of when my favorite coffee cup broke. Long gone is the chunky pieces of ceramic that I once loved so dearly. Though my cupboards fill themselves with mugs of various shapes, colors, sizes, and personalities, none will ever be replacement for my favorite mug.

I become strangely attached to inanimate objects. Their familiar texture and shape comforts me. I am sure Freud could uncover the strange attachment, but for me, it’s just one of my quarky personality traits.

Since July 2003, I have become attached to one single wine glass. It’s fuller shape, and thick glass always looked elegant with soft red Oliver wine. This weekend, it shattered. For almost 6 years, this wine glass has held every sip I have taken from wine poured at home. Even when I have entertained guest, that wine glass was mine.

Now, it is gone.

Just like my favorite coffee cup, my wine glass will never be replaced. It’s a symbol of historic value that carries secret legacy’s of mine. The array of emotional moments I shared with my coffee cup and wine glass will forever be gone. I may sound strangely attached but it’s the constant things in life that make us feel like we are at home regardless the location. When the constant things disappear, we feel displaced.

Whether it is the town you grew up in, first house you purchased, favorite pair of jeans, or a wine glass, these things are tokens of our life. Tokens of our legacy. When they break, it is a symbol of our legacy slowly breaking down into indecipherable pieces.

Will spring flowers bloom in a recession?

Spring is just around the corner. Lucky us, we are in a recession. So I wonder if the recession will affect the flowers? Will the flowers bloom with us pouring less dollars into Miracle Grow this spring? Maybe the recession will make us stop enticing things to bloom faster then their natural course. Or maybe we’ll just pretend flowers never mattered.

This spring I knew with or with out the recession would mark a turning point in my life. In the past year I have secured a temp position to learn new skills. With those skills I embarked on my own, safely part time. As the recession moves into full stream, I take a look back at all the time I wasted running up to the gate but halting right before execution. Would my business be flourishing if I would have not questioned the timing? Maybe. Maybe not.

Regardless, I am now one of the 20+ thousand job seekers. I keep wondering when Snorg Tees to come out with a shirt that says “HIRE ME”. The problem I have is, I am not an “expert” in any one area. Blessed with the ever so generic “Business Degree”, switched jobs the past 4 years almost as much as underwear, and a resume that’s three humiliating pages long, I feel a like a job whore.

Honestly, I have enjoyed and learned an incredible amount from the three different positions in four years I have held. Each one was a bit out of my knowledge scope and required me to grow as a professional. I wouldn’t have changed anything.

Present day, I am not in my twenties and thank God not in my forties yet, but feel incredible displaced. I have no “expertise” in one area to search upon. HR reps I have spoken to, gravitate to the area I have most knowledge in. Unfortunately, it’s my last resort for a job next to toilet bowl cleaner. Hollywood portrays the career field way more exciting then it the truth.

I know the sun will come up and I will eventually make it up this hill. Huffing and puffing at the top, I will find a position I hope to hold for a very long time. In the meantime, I will set aside my Inc. magazine and trade my entrepreneurship title for just a chic who drinks coffee. Because at the end of the day, it’s just that simple.

Modern Day Nomad

Nomadic behavior is traditionally not seen within industrialized nations. The image of current Nomads are associated with Middle Eastern or African countries. Observing my trend in career changes (not just jobs but entire skill jumping), living locations, and social behaviors, people could call me a modern day Nomad.

My peripatetic nomadic behavior ensures I will never be an “expert” at anything. Instead my resume will be a rainbow colored array of this and that. Flexible enough to always find a job, but never specific enough to stay much longer than a year or two.

Unlike most, I have no fear of not finding a job. Switching jobs is just like switching underwear. A thong is not quite right for all occasions and I will never wear granny style.

I have found it incredible romantic with a person’s ability to fall in love with one place. It must be wildly passionate to never get bored discovering the same path, watching it grow and change as years go by, to never leave it but weather life storms staying put.

For years I have moved from one location to the next, each getting the butterflies in my stomach to explore and find special hidden niches in a cities street. Eventually, I find one reason or another why my city is not a long term fit. Thus packing up my bags and moving on, but always searching for that one city which I fall madly and deeply in love with, and it loves me back. I have never found it, and anticipate I never will.

Though I still find it romantic to love a city to where you never want to leave, I am a nomad at heart. I will accept what it has to offer, never expecting more. With each move, I will pour my heart into my current location and build fond memories to take with. I will rummage it’s hidden alleys, look through every window, and walk on every path, but never stay.

Michael Jackson Said It Best

I have experienced a lot of “hmmm” moments during the past weeks. Two questions have rattled my brain for a month now. One of which, I have finally figured out.

“In an relationship (friends, coworkers, lovers, family, and even the cashier at Kroger’s) what one person offers, is not always what the other will offer back. Not all people will be able to offer what you need or give.”

For example, I offer all my relationships a hamburger. When I want a hamburger back, I seek it from certain friends. Not all of those friends can give me a hamburger. Sometimes it’s only fries or a milkshake. Just because their offerings are not the direct reflection of what I bring to the relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t care about my well-being. It’s just they offer fries instead.

In the past I wanted a hamburger back, period. If there was no hamburger, then I assumed the other person just didn’t give a dime about me. It’s taken me awhile to feel comfortable with accepting fries, sometimes small or x-large, in return for my hamburger. The fries are just as wonderful and make a great compliment. Just because a person or a situation is not the reflective gift of what you offer, doesn’t make it less meaningful.

Everyone can offer different things to relationships and situations. You can’t change the other person nor can a person or situations always offer what you need. What you can change, is your understanding and acceptance of what the other has to offer. It sounds like a simple theory, to accept what the other gives in a relationship and not be hurt. In reality, it is very complex and depending on how conditioned our thinking and behavior is to trigger our emotional defensive systems, one could walk through life never realizing how great fries are. In fact, I can’t offer fries…never have and never will. But I got a hamburger if you’ll take it.

Taking A Timeout

Since the dawn of earth, humans have lived their lives based on schedules. We now live with extended schedules of cramming as much into the day as possible regardless of when the sun rises and falls. It seems we’ve built schedules for almost everything: bill schedules, work schedules, school schedules, eating schedules, etc. In your own schedule, do you fit in “joy”?

Even in my self-acceptance of knowing I am a to-do list junkie, I still surprise myself with leaving the most important things off my list. The other day, I built a cleaning to-do list on my day off. From start to finish what I wanted to accomplish to clear my day for, well, doing nothing. Even after crossing off the last room on the list, I didn’t move onto what I wanted to do. The heaving obligations of other “to-do” items tugged at my conscious and resulting in pushing aside a favorite pastime once again.

How often do we push aside a favorite pastime or hobby because it’s not scheduled in? Maybe instead of making the ever popular and ever failing New Years Resolution, we should alter our schedule for a time out. Your time out could be anything, from reading a chapter in a good book, to seeing a movie once a week. It’s just a period of time which is scheduled for your favorite pastime.

Too many of us work harder, longer, add more responsibilities, multi-task, and automate our entire lives to cram more into our schedule we are at overload long before we realize it. I bought into the idea long ago that if I worked hard now, I could play later. Later being 65 years old. Staring at the array of half-painted canvases in my old office, realized I wanted to play now. We all need a little bit of a time-out from our schedule to soothe our souls and regain momentum. In 2009, let’s add a little time-out for ourselves. It can be as much as you want it to be, or as little as you can spare. Just find that one little task that may not yield any profit, grow you professionally, enhance your relationship, or serve your community, but only serve you.

I won’t lie or try to deny my to-do list nature, but adhere to it by adding my timeout to my to-do list. It’s easy to put ourselves and hobbies last on the list. The cyclic nature of ending the day without completing our time-out, and going weeks starving our souls. Add a little time-out to your schedule, be selfish, and enjoy a moment in time just for you.